Nighttime has come; the end of another day gone. I’m tired; it seems my body habitually goes into low battery mode after a stressful event. Hours ago I met with a professor on Zoom to discuss a possible research project idea that I am interested in pursuing under his mentorship. I have never been this proactive before in my past years in college with forging connections. I was the one who actually approached him (via email) about participating in the research project, which is a special program funded by my school to give transfer students the opportunity to explore a topic relating to their academic interests. On Zoom today, that was my first time speaking to him outside of class one-on-one. I don’t want to think about the what-ifs of what I could have done better or said better during the meeting. I am exhausted with being so criticial of myself and for once I want to tell myself I did it and everything went okay. Even my professor praised me for making steps to get out of my comfort zone during class (“Don’t think I haven’t noticed”, he said).
Also, we were originally scheduled to meet on Wednesday about an hour before class but he got his appointments mixed up and my appointment with him didn’t show up on his calendar. He apologized by email and apologized again today on Zoom. I was genuinely surprised at the care he took to express that he was sorry (especially since he has a lot of obligations outside of teaching class), but I think I was also surprised at myself for not knowing how to react for the first 2-3 seconds after he said what he said. I’m not too good with accepting people’s emotions and returning them in the same manner of sincerity since my emotions are often buried under guard and uncertainty. But I made sure to let him know it was no big deal and that the school semester was crazy so far.
It is third consecutive day I have stayed completely indoors. On Wednesday, I had class all day. Zoom fatigue is not fun! On Thursday, it snowed and I wasn’t feeling too well in the morning to bother going outside. Today, it snowed again. This February weather is a pain but that’s the weather in Brooklyn right now. Time really does fly as the end of the month is quite near. I’ve had less motivation to do cardio exercise every day like I used to. I was in the middle of restarting one of Chloe Ting’s free exercise programs but I stopped on Day 8 or so after realizing it felt stale since I had already done this particular program before. So I started a new one I hadn’t done before, with new videos to follow. Now it feels more challenging.
I think I am okay with how I look physically. I will probably never have the “perfect” body, however, I feel stronger and more fit than I have ever been in my entire life. I exercise for my physical and mental health but even I have days (and nights) where I need to take a break from exercising. Just a few days ago, I tried a low impact workout video that required the use of some dumbbells. I alternated between 2 lb and 4 lb dumbbells which were way lighter than the ones the workout instructor was using in the video. It must have been because my body wasn’t used to exercising that way frequently so the next day I was a bit sore all over. Then there was another day when I did 4 of Chloe Ting’s videos in one day (the program varies in the number of videos for each day) and all 4 featured lunge exercises. I was fine with doing them since those are common exercises in her videos but my glutes ached for two days afterward. It’s nice to have the resources and time to exercise at my own pace at home, though being indoors for a few days makes me miss the fresh air outside.
There are a million things that need my attention. For now those are things I will leave to take up with tomorrow and for the time being, I will remember to breathe and pace myself. It’s not much but I do believe I accomplished a lot today.