anxiety · fitness · life · school life · Thoughts and feelings

Another Day Gone

Nighttime has come; the end of another day gone. I’m tired; it seems my body habitually goes into low battery mode after a stressful event. Hours ago I met with a professor on Zoom to discuss a possible research project idea that I am interested in pursuing under his mentorship. I have never been this proactive before in my past years in college with forging connections. I was the one who actually approached him (via email) about participating in the research project, which is a special program funded by my school to give transfer students the opportunity to explore a topic relating to their academic interests. On Zoom today, that was my first time speaking to him outside of class one-on-one. I don’t want to think about the what-ifs of what I could have done better or said better during the meeting. I am exhausted with being so criticial of myself and for once I want to tell myself I did it and everything went okay. Even my professor praised me for making steps to get out of my comfort zone during class (“Don’t think I haven’t noticed”, he said).

Also, we were originally scheduled to meet on Wednesday about an hour before class but he got his appointments mixed up and my appointment with him didn’t show up on his calendar. He apologized by email and apologized again today on Zoom. I was genuinely surprised at the care he took to express that he was sorry (especially since he has a lot of obligations outside of teaching class), but I think I was also surprised at myself for not knowing how to react for the first 2-3 seconds afterward. I’m not too good with accepting people’s emotions and returning them in the same manner of sincerity since my emotions are often buried under guard and uncertainty. But I made sure to let him know it was no big deal and that the school semester was crazy so far.

It is third consecutive day I have stayed completely indoors. On Wednesday, I had class all day. Zoom fatigue is not fun! On Thursday, it snowed and I wasn’t feeling too well in the morning to bother going outside. Today, it snowed again. This February weather is a pain but that’s the weather in Brooklyn right now. Time really does fly as the end of the month is quite near. I’ve had less motivation to do cardio exercise every day like I used to. I was in the middle of restarting one of Chloe Ting’s free exercise programs but I stopped on Day 8 or so after realizing it felt stale since I had already done this particular program before. So I started a new one I hadn’t done before, with new videos to follow. Now it feels more challenging.

I think I am okay with how I look physically. I will probably never have the “perfect” body, however, I feel stronger and more fit than I have ever been in my entire life. I exercise for my physical and mental health but even I have days (and nights) where I need to take a break from exercising. Just a few days ago, I tried a low impact workout video that required the use of some dumbbells. I alternated between 2 lb and 4 lb dumbbells which were way lighter than the ones the workout instructor was using in the video. It must have been because my body wasn’t used to exercising that way frequently so the next day I was a bit sore all over. Then there was another day when I did 4 of Chloe Ting’s videos in one day (the program varies in the number of videos for each day) and all 4 featured lunge exercises. I was fine with doing them since those are common exercises in her videos but my glutes ached for two days afterward. It’s nice to have the resources and time to exercise at my own pace at home, though being indoors for a few days makes me miss the fresh air outside.

There are a million things that need my attention. For now those are things I will leave to take up with tomorrow and for the time being, I will remember to breathe and pace myself. It’s not much but I do believe I accomplished a lot today.


Featured photo by Saad Chaudhry on Unsplash.

4 thoughts on “Another Day Gone

  1. That is great you made the effort and initiated the research discussion with the professor. It’s always so nerve-wrecking to approach others about working with you. But I guess the worse that can happen is they say no to working with you. Hopefully you and the professor worked something out.

    Also great to hear you are still doing Chloe Ting’s exercise programs. I also have started working out with dumbbells and weights, and this comes after telling myself I would never workout with weights lol XD I didn’t expect it to be refreshing and sore – and that has made me stronger even just after a month with light weights. I feel with weights when I do it right and controlled, I can feel my core. I love lunges exercises and find them the most challenging.

    Hopefully you get to balance all the things that you have to do. Sometimes all these things just creep up on you and you wonder how to fit them all in in your day, or even week. Hope you are well Nat ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’•

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My professor and I are continuing to communicate on Zoom and by email, though lately I am less enthused with my research because it’s the near end of the semester and I feel majorly burnt out from all my assignments.

      Ah, I got less vigorous with my workouts as of late and haven’t been doing them everyday like I used to. I got a bit lazy but also more tired from more work and less sleep, so there have been many recent days where attempting to workout on very few hours of sleep felt like I was overexerting myself. The dumbbell workouts definitely do make a difference! I am sure I will be sore again in my arms when I restart my workout routine with dumbbells. Lunge exercises can be fun to workout the largest muscles in the body (the glutes).

      The balance for all the things I have to do is no easy thing to manage! Things are consistently changing from day to day and that can be scary.

      Like

      1. Good luck for your end of semester and all of your exams. It sounds like a busy time for you. Definitely understand how you feel more tired and don’t want to work out. Work has been busy for me too and I feel sooo lazy about working out many days ๐Ÿ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks for the well wishes! I too hope everything will work out in the end. With working out, I suppose it helps to find the right amount of it to do even on busy days. Currently I am managing to do Alexis Ren’s 10 minute ab workout everyday. Since it is so short, I have no excuse to not do it lol.

        Liked by 1 person

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