Nighttime has come; the end of another day gone. I’m tired; it seems my body habitually goes into low battery mode after a stressful event. Hours ago I met with a professor on Zoom to discuss a possible research project idea that I am interested in pursuing under his mentorship. I have never been this…… Continue reading Another Day Gone
This is how I have been feeling frequently. The maintenance, the upkeep, the pushing ahead. Life has always been a checklist of things I need to do every day. “Just keep going”, “It gets better in time”, “All that matters is you did your best”. Do phrases like these actually help you get through your…… Continue reading Why Is It So Hard?
Second month into 2021 and I’m trudging along. How’s your year been so far? I’ve been okay for the most part. The improvements and the struggles continue. My current therapist reminded me in my latest session with him to treat myself gently like I would treat a friend. And it’s true, I often forget to…… Continue reading Tired of This S***
Gosh, I am in trouble. When the writing bug hits, I can’t let it go until it’s finished. Fair warning though, this is somewhat of an ugly topic. I know every family has skeletons in their closet. We’re all a product of the environments we grew up in. My family is no exception from this…… Continue reading Abuse, Trauma, or Both?
I hate that the default page my WordPress account takes me to when I click on “My sites” is the Stats page. Am I supposed to feel bad that I haven’t written in a while? I actually don’t mind that my viewership has gone down. I guess it works both ways. I haven’t had the…… Continue reading Still Kicking
This half of the year has been hard. That is an understatement. I am sure the distribution of burden and suffering has been disproportionate. By my circumstances, I might even be considered privileged. I have housing, healthy food, a computer and wifi, and a quiet bedroom to study and sleep in. Most of all, I…… Continue reading Life Goes On
Well, here I am again, going through the motions this thing called life. I’m going to be honest. I don’t know what the hell I am doing. In fact, I don’t think I ever really knew I was doing since the day of my conception, to being born, and being the person I am now.…… Continue reading 2020 Existential Crisis
Some days I think I am over it. Other days I relive the past in my mind and it’s like getting sucked into a vortex of pain, anger, and sadness. Several nights as of late I’ve fallen into this mindset and been insomniac. It would be easier on myself to just look to the future…… Continue reading Echoes of the Past
My posts continue to be melancholic. I feel like I have been in a haze. Self-preservation is an innate instinct and that’s what I’ve been trying to do. Just surviving somehow. My physical and mental health took some hits during the stay-at-home order. I think I still am suffering, maybe from the aftereffects, even though…… Continue reading Sinking or Swimming
I really wish I could crawl into a hole and die. Right now in this moment, this expression fits how I feel, even though it is quite drastic and is even dangerous sounding. I just hate coming out of a social situation that I tried to deal with and now all I can do is…… Continue reading Social Setback