Meant to Be

I really don’t know how some people can juggle so much in their lives at once. I, on the other hand, feel like my ability to handle so much at once has taken a nosedive the older I get. I don’t know what I am anymore. Have I truly lived? Do I want to, and what the hell does the definition of living even mean?

At the end of January in 2020, something big is happening for me but as of yet I have deep reluctance to say what it is. It is good news, though I am afraid of jinxing myself considering my history of getting excited about new opportunities and then stuff doesn’t work out for one reason or another. Was I looking for my future in all the wrong places? Every time I failed, I felt so bleak about where to go from there. Maybe it was all meant to happen like this; every struggle and heartache and desperation like specks of sands pouring through an hourglass, all leading up to what is now.