about me · birthday · ramblings

Growing a Year Older

November 26th is my birthday but to me, I will probably treat it as a normal day. If I really think about it, every day is someone’s birthday somewhere in the world.

It’s dreadful being asked what I want as a present/gift. The question makes me feel like I am being put on the spot. And as I am unemployed and stuck in a scarcity complex, I usually can’t come up with an answer. It’s nice that someone wants to give me a present, but then I feel unnecessary pressure to name something that has a lot of monetary value just because it’s for a special occasion. I really was asked this question by someone recently. The response I gave was a bit lackluster. “I don’t know; nothing special.”

I used to get a birthday cake every year. Typically my mom did the cake ordering. The most common I had in childhood was sponge cake filled with cream and strawberries. I vaguely remember having an ice cream cake but what I loved most was red velvet cake. The yearly “tradition” phased out because of lots of reasons, though I don’t really miss having a cake. I never had parties for my birthdays (unless I count my 1 year old party where half of my mom’s extended family showed up, which I have no recollection of lol), so the cake almost always had leftovers.

So far I’ve said mostly not very positive things about my birthday. Too much of what I associate with it comes from my dislike of where I am in life now. I don’t even want to think about the actual number for my biological age, just because on a mental level I feel so much younger than that. It’s embarrassing. Every year, I get this idealized image of what someone my age should be like. Maybe even in a different world, I would never match up because I would not be focused on just being myself.

11 thoughts on “Growing a Year Older

    1. Me too, Harry. So much pressure to have passed certain milestones or done certain things by a particular age. I hate caring so much about what other people think of me based on my age.

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  1. We share a birthday!!! I can relate to a lot of what you are feeling. I’m not the best gift receiver and often wonder why those close to me don’t seem to understand what I truly want/need (usually just some nice quality time spent together). Being so close to Thanksgiving, my mom typically got me a turkey shaped ice cream cake, which has become a running joke (I am a near-vegan). I hope you had a good day – remember that our age is only a number and we shouldn’t allow society to dictate how we should act/feel at a certain age. You are where you need to be right now, and each year will bring new adventures and challenges. Happy belated birthday!

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    1. Wow, I had no idea you had the same birthday as me! That’s a nice surprise. I forget, was there a year that Thanksgiving fell on the 26th? As a kid I thought of my birthday being so close to Thanksgiving as having two holidays in one week, lol, but not so much as an adult. I feel whatever about my own birthday and Thanksgiving is not much to me now either. It’s funny your mom found a way to commemorate both days in one.

      Getting out of the mindset about societal and cultural expectations is not easy. Part of the problem is actually the ideals other people around me want me to be but I can see I want to fulfill expectations that I don’t see myself doing. It seems I only care because I am very self-conscious of how other people see me, even people like my parents’ friends or associates whose general opinions of me probably shouldn’t matter to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Our birthday falls on Thanksgiving every few years, and will next year because of the added day in February. I will say it is nice not to have to work on my birthday when it falls during the holiday weekend!
        You are right, societal expectations can put a lot of pressure on a person and I guess the best we can all do is try and love/accept ourselves. Not an easy road for sure, but personally I feel the most blissful when I let go of expectations and enjoy a moment without worrying what others think.

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