about me · anxiety · challenges · family · flaws · Hopes and fears · life · parents · Thoughts and feelings · wishes

Messed Up on the Inside

For a long time now I have been alienating myself from those who care about me. Right now I feel so conflicted because I haven’t been totally honest with them. It’s true it is uncomfortable to have those sit-down talks with them because I didn’t grow up comfortable telling them everything and it got harder…… Continue reading Messed Up on the Inside

about me · anxiety · around the house · Conflicting emotions · dreams · family · friends · habits · Hopes and fears · insecurities · life · Mood swings · people · personal beliefs · social anxiety · social norms · socially awkward · solitude · Thoughts and feelings · verbal communication

Disinterest in Other People

I would not go as far to say I don’t have a desire for human interaction, or that I believe forming online friendships is enough for me. It’s more like I am disconnected from the relationships I “should” be having based on what I see other people around me have. I don’t know if that…… Continue reading Disinterest in Other People

anxiety · family · Mood swings · people · Thoughts and feelings · verbal communication

Not Explaining Myself to Others

Well. I became aware of a facet of one of my personal habits that I wasn’t aware of before. Sound confusing? Yeah. It’s like being so used to behaving a certain way in certain situations and not realizing my own behavior caused a disconnect between me and whoever I was communicating with. Firstly I would…… Continue reading Not Explaining Myself to Others

about me · anxiety · Coping with anxiety · family · fears · feelings · life · Mood swings · people · ramblings · Thoughts and feelings

The Struggle & Release

I was not entirely content with myself. I have not been for several days now in crackles and spurts. Certainly, all that build up led to something boiling inside me. It churned to the point everything around me felt like a dull edge. A limp, colorless world. Yeah, I know the featured image on this…… Continue reading The Struggle & Release

about me · anxiety · birthdate · birthday · celebration · Comfort zone · family · life · people · personal growth · personal habits · reflections · Thoughts and feelings

Birthdate / Birthday

Today I turned another year older. Last night before midnight, I felt hyper aware of the minutes ticking down. It came and it happened. How many other people around the world also have the same birthdate as me, I wonder? The years of getting a cake and posing for photos in my best dress to…… Continue reading Birthdate / Birthday

coping mechanisms · family · people · perception · street art · Thoughts and feelings · weather

Inaccurate Impression

It was the morning of Sunday, October 21st. Aunt T, who was visiting for the weekend, drove Aunt Y (her sister), her friend, my dad, and I to Bushwick for a free graffiti art street tour. We were the first ones there but stayed in the car to avoid the cold air until more people…… Continue reading Inaccurate Impression

anxiety · family · life · perception · ramblings · social anxiety · Thoughts and feelings

Real or Perceived Judgment

Man, I hate social anxiety. So many times this year I’ve felt like I’m just barely scraping by and being crushed under the weight of other people’s judgment of me. I’m aware there have been more than a handful of times I most likely blew the situation out of proportion in my mind or upped…… Continue reading Real or Perceived Judgment

anxiety · childhood memories · daily · eating · family · fears · food · habits · life · meals · perception · personal habits · ramblings · seafood

Seafood Fanatic

My aunt came over to stay last weekend. She’s one of my relatives who I’ve always liked so although my social anxiety nerves were twitching, I was sure I would be fine. After an early drive into New York from Jersey, she popped out to spend the day in Midtown Manhattan with an old college…… Continue reading Seafood Fanatic

anxiety · awkward · Comfort zone · Conflicting emotions · family · feelings · jobs · life · people · perception · strangers · travel · unexpected situations

A Good Lie

Yesterday evening I had dinner with some rich folks in China. It was so not my comfort zone for a variety of reasons: I had to go over their house (before the dinner) I didn’t know them They spoke in a different dialect (which I don’t understand) Awkwardness Most of all, I know I tolerated…… Continue reading A Good Lie

accents · awkward · comfort · Comfort zone · Cultural views · culture · family · feelings · life · people · perception · transportation · travel · unexpected situations · weather

Cultural Differences

It’s day 8 since I came to to Beijing, China for a 10-day vacation. I started writing this post yesterday while waiting for a flight to Xiamen. It only took 3 hours to get there, thankfully. Being part of a tour guide group for the first 5 days in China, the sights I saw were…… Continue reading Cultural Differences