about me · anxiety · chinese customs · COVID-19 · family · orchids · school · social anxiety

Tired of This S***

Second month into 2021 and I’m trudging along. How’s your year been so far? I’ve been okay for the most part. The improvements and the struggles continue. My current therapist reminded me in my latest session with him to treat myself gently like I would treat a friend. And it’s true, I often forget to…… Continue reading Tired of This S***

about me · anxiety · Conflicting emotions · Cultural views · family · fears · feelings · Hopes and fears · memories · people · personal beliefs · ramblings · social norms · Thoughts and feelings

Abuse, Trauma, or Both?

Gosh, I am in trouble. When the writing bug hits, I can’t let it go until it’s finished. Fair warning though, this is somewhat of an ugly topic. I know every family has skeletons in their closet. We’re all a product of the environments we grew up in. My family is no exception from this…… Continue reading Abuse, Trauma, or Both?

about me · dysfunctional · family · life · mental health · social anxiety · Thoughts and feelings

Echoes of the Past

Some days I think I am over it. Other days I relive the past in my mind and it’s like getting sucked into a vortex of pain, anger, and sadness. Several nights as of late I’ve fallen into this mindset and been insomniac. It would be easier on myself to just look to the future…… Continue reading Echoes of the Past

about me · body image · dysfunctional · family · food · habits · personal beliefs · Thoughts and feelings

Cultural Views of Food

This might seem like a topic that has come out of nowhere, but truly, it’s been a subject matter that’s been on my mind for a long time. Because of the complexity of the issue and how food interrelates to other things like body image and culture, I wasn’t sure how to talk about it.…… Continue reading Cultural Views of Food

anxiety · flight or fight · life · mental health · people

Unfiltered

I was angry yesterday. About what; to explain seems inconsequential now. I’ll say that my anxiety was involved (as usual) because when is my anxiety not involved in my life? That rage burned so hot I thought it would never end. I had too many thoughts running in my mind, buzzing like a beehive. I…… Continue reading Unfiltered

anxiety · children · family · parents · personal beliefs

No Kids For Me

As a child, I played house all the time with my Barbie dolls. I had several lifesize baby dolls and I carried around one of them with me everywhere. I liked cradling the doll like a real baby and feeding her a fake bottle to mimic pseudo milk going into her plastic mouth but that…… Continue reading No Kids For Me

anxiety · Comfort zone · daily · life · people · school life · social anxiety · Thoughts and feelings

Highs & Lows

Last evening I trekked home during heavy rainfall in my area. It was such a monster storm that my socks and shoes got the brute of it I could hear squelching with every step I took. The lower portion of my pants were also oversaturated with water and the rain came down so hard it…… Continue reading Highs & Lows

about me · anxiety · challenges · daily · family · life · parents · personal growth · school life

What I Want Versus What Other People Want For Me

Why does this keep happening? I internally ask myself. I’ve almost reached the end of my second week studying in the hotel hospitality program. That’s six more intensive weeks left. I feel very accomplished that I’ve made it this far and intend to keep going. But tonight a single sentence from my mother nearly shattered…… Continue reading What I Want Versus What Other People Want For Me

about me · anxiety · childhood memories · Conflicting emotions · Cultural views · family · insomnia · life · mental health · pain · Parental issues · parents · phobia · ramblings · social anxiety · Thoughts and feelings · verbal communication

Down the Rabbit Hole of Childhood

My biological age is 29. I haven’t learned to do all the things I thought I would know to do by now. On an emotional level, I feel I stopped aging appropriately at least 10 years ago. I do think I already had a host of issues starting from childhood. Many things were never resolved…… Continue reading Down the Rabbit Hole of Childhood