about me · anxiety · Conflicting emotions · Cultural views · family · fears · feelings · Hopes and fears · memories · people · personal beliefs · ramblings · social norms · Thoughts and feelings

Abuse, Trauma, or Both?

Gosh, I am in trouble. When the writing bug hits, I can’t let it go until it’s finished. Fair warning though, this is somewhat of an ugly topic. I know every family has skeletons in their closet. We’re all a product of the environments we grew up in. My family is no exception from this…… Continue reading Abuse, Trauma, or Both?

emotions · feelings · life · memories · mental health · Thoughts and feelings

Spots in My Memory

I am a frequent user of the Spotify app on my phone. I love that the program allows me to create custom playlists of songs I enjoy. While I typically use Spotify on my phone, I also have it on my desktop computer. Yesterday I happened to have it open while I was busy on…… Continue reading Spots in My Memory

about me · anxiety · Conflicting emotions · life · melancholy · social anxiety · Thoughts and feelings

Wishy-Washiness about Being Busy

I am always waiting for something, it seems. I have spent half my life thinking and thinking of what could and will happen, rather than just doing it and let what becomes a reality be as it is without regret. “A tad obsessive” is the phrase I have in mind to describe the constant linger…… Continue reading Wishy-Washiness about Being Busy

anxiety · Conflicting emotions · depression · Hopes and fears · life · mental health · ramblings · Thoughts and feelings

Haze of Sadness

I am unable to describe what is wrong with me. Is there anything wrong, actually, or is my mental health tipping back and forth as it is for everyone else out there? The dips in my mood come and go. I just can’t figure out if it’s: A) Self-confidence issues about my future and all…… Continue reading Haze of Sadness

about me · anxiety · childhood memories · Conflicting emotions · Cultural views · family · insomnia · life · mental health · pain · Parental issues · parents · phobia · ramblings · social anxiety · Thoughts and feelings · verbal communication

Down the Rabbit Hole of Childhood

My biological age is 29. I haven’t learned to do all the things I thought I would know to do by now. On an emotional level, I feel I stopped aging appropriately at least 10 years ago. I do think I already had a host of issues starting from childhood. Many things were never resolved…… Continue reading Down the Rabbit Hole of Childhood

about me · anxiety · Comfort zone · Conflicting emotions · family · feelings · flaws · insecurities · Making mistakes · parents · people problems · personal growth · personal habits · regrets · siblings · social anxiety · socially awkward · verbal communication

After the Storm

Who knew I would be here in 2019. Just a few days ago I was bubbling with excitement and trepidation over the vocational school I signed up for in the hopes of landing a job after graduation. I thought, This is it, I am finally doing something with my life. I’ve made a decision for…… Continue reading After the Storm

about me · anxiety · around the house · Conflicting emotions · dreams · family · friends · habits · Hopes and fears · insecurities · life · Mood swings · people · personal beliefs · social anxiety · social norms · socially awkward · solitude · Thoughts and feelings · verbal communication

Disinterest in Other People

I would not go as far to say I don’t have a desire for human interaction, or that I believe forming online friendships is enough for me. It’s more like I am disconnected from the relationships I “should” be having based on what I see other people around me have. I don’t know if that…… Continue reading Disinterest in Other People

anxiety · Conflicting emotions · fears · Feeling ill · feelings · flight or fight · life · mental health · Mood swings · people · perception · ramblings · social anxiety · Thoughts and feelings · verbal communication

Under Pressure

Under Pressure. These are truly the two words that come to mind when I am not feeling well and for whatever reason I am compelled to pretend like I am completely fine. I don’t know when this behavior of mine started or why my mind decided to have such a routine that has become essential…… Continue reading Under Pressure

anxiety · awkward · Comfort zone · Conflicting emotions · family · feelings · jobs · life · people · perception · strangers · travel · unexpected situations

A Good Lie

Yesterday evening I had dinner with some rich folks in China. It was so not my comfort zone for a variety of reasons: I had to go over their house (before the dinner) I didn’t know them They spoke in a different dialect (which I don’t understand) Awkwardness Most of all, I know I tolerated…… Continue reading A Good Lie

about me · Conflicting emotions · family · parents · ramblings · social anxiety · Thoughts and feelings

Changing Ideals

I have been heavily influenced by ideals of who I wanted to be or what other people wanted me to be, whether those were things I perceived people wished for me or they told me outright. This is a weird place to start, but as a child, I wanted to be a bride and become…… Continue reading Changing Ideals