about me · anxiety · flaws · life · Perspective on life · wants

Never Good Enough

Many years ago, when the daily struggle of functioning on a basic level was harder then than it is now, I remember looking at myself in the mirror. I didn’t like what I saw. I was still picking at my facial scabs quite often at the time. My reconstruction of this memory may be a…… Continue reading Never Good Enough

about me · anxiety · arts and crafts · challenges · confidence · dreams · life · people · ramblings · school anxiety · social anxiety · socially awkward · wants · writing

Feeling Lost

I think I’ve always been a little lost. Since my youth, my self-confidence has been dismal. I was never the person to join clubs or involve myself in after school activities, all because I didn’t know how to talk to people. Or was too scared to try. During weekdays I had school as an excuse…… Continue reading Feeling Lost

about me · anxiety · challenges · family · flaws · Hopes and fears · life · parents · Thoughts and feelings · wishes

Messed Up on the Inside

For a long time now I have been alienating myself from those who care about me. Right now I feel so conflicted because I haven’t been totally honest with them. It’s true it is uncomfortable to have those sit-down talks with them because I didn’t grow up comfortable telling them everything and it got harder…… Continue reading Messed Up on the Inside

about me · anxiety · around the house · Conflicting emotions · dreams · family · friends · habits · Hopes and fears · insecurities · life · Mood swings · people · personal beliefs · social anxiety · social norms · socially awkward · solitude · Thoughts and feelings · verbal communication

Disinterest in Other People

I would not go as far to say I don’t have a desire for human interaction, or that I believe forming online friendships is enough for me. It’s more like I am disconnected from the relationships I “should” be having based on what I see other people around me have. I don’t know if that…… Continue reading Disinterest in Other People

birds · dreams · happiness · Hopes and fears · life · nostalgia · pets · ramblings · Thoughts and feelings

Repetitive Dreaming

I thought I left this repetitive dream behind in 2018 because since the new year, I haven’t dreamt of it again. Until this morning. The dream always had an old feel to it. Nostalgia, perhaps, in a wretched way that was both a wish for things to have stayed as they were and for things…… Continue reading Repetitive Dreaming

dreams · life · ramblings · Thoughts and feelings

Weird Forgotten Dream

Being asleep is like drifting in midair not really feeling my actual physical body but the emotions and thoughts I experience are felt more intensely. Falling back asleep after waking up in the middle of the night is like being gently covered with a blanket, except I’m not aware of when the blanket goes on…… Continue reading Weird Forgotten Dream

anxiety · blogging · making choices · Making plans · obligations · social anxiety · wants · writing

Making Plans

Today was an interesting day. For a very long time, I’ve felt bad whenever I thought I did absolutely nothing in a day. But did I really do nothing or did the squirmy, self-loathing part of me write myself off again? Which is the lesser of evils; to be so swamped with deadlines and projects…… Continue reading Making Plans

blogging · dreams · writing

Recurring Dreams I’ve Had

I don’t know how to read my dreams or understanding the meaning behind the recurring ones I have had throughout different periods in my life. As a teenager, I messed around on the internet on some “dream interpretation” website, which had a blank box I could write details about my dream and then click a…… Continue reading Recurring Dreams I’ve Had

imagination · inspiration · magic spell · writing

A Magic Spell

This was fun to write. 🙂 My magic spell for: Seeing into one of my past incarnations. In my heart and in my mind I’ve always wondered about other times In a different era when my life was just as fine For better or for worse No matter what Be it a blessing or curse…… Continue reading A Magic Spell

daydreams · happiness · nature · peace · phones · silence · solitude · travel

Sound of Silence

Under the right circumstances, I find silence to be calming if my heart is at ease and I’m content with whatever is going on in my day. Sometimes I make my own silence if I’m in an environment where there is mild background noise and it is easy to tune out. Giving myself a moment…… Continue reading Sound of Silence