anxiety · college days · daily · life · overthinking things · Thoughts and feelings

Life Stressors

I’m contemplating visiting my professor during his office hours on Tuesday to talk to him about my discomfort with being back in a classroom around people after attending virtual-only courses for several semesters. I don’t know how exactly voicing my concerns to him will change anything.

I’m unhappy the classroom itself is small and it feels cramped in there. But mostly I hate that the class starts so late (3:40 PM).

Or maybe I should just visit him to discuss more in-depth about the anxieties I have surrounding my project for the oral presentation. I’m actually afraid someone else will have already picked the same topic. And it could be a good time to run my project idea by him to get a feel on what I could do to make it more specific.

I’m set to start a new work shift this Friday that will be six and a half hours long. My regular work partner is supposed to be one of my classmates who applied to the job but he has yet to be interviewed. So if that plus his on boarding paperwork isn’t done by this Friday, my supervisor will have to sub in for him. I know management is busy but I can only hope they meet the deadline soon.

I am excited to be part of the new schedule, as my work benefits the community in a specific neighborhood which happens to be near my college. It’s just I have a lot on my mind and I tend to internalize things, so I haven’t really outwardly expressed that excitement. If I wasn’t also still in school and needing to be focus on that in the same time frame as work, I might be feeling less uncertain. To be so affected by my own insecurities, I wonder if it’s true when some people say that everyone is typically too wrapped up in their own issues.

And then I might also be potentially involved in restoring my college’s Urban Sustainability club which has not been active for a while. Another student is also interested in helping so maybe we can share a portion of the work.

We’ve been trying to find out who our current club advisor is. I emailed the student center office but got no response. Since the college is closed for Labor Day, I’ll have to wait till Tuesday to call them. I would have preferred to just be emailed back without me chasing them down.

That’s the thing about being involved; very often the person has to take the initative to push for a response if there is no response. I hate being involved in the sense I get emotionally invested. The more invested I am, the more stressed I feel.

I do take my job way too seriously. I’m very reluctant to take a break throughout my shifts. I am paid for the time regardless if I take a break or not. The most I’ve done is go for a quick bathroom break and come back. Though it was nice yesterday to go away for more than ten minutes, eat a snack, and sit on a bench for a little bit under the sun.

Also a big stressor is I’ve got an upcoming interview. A schoolteacher is having one of her students interview me about the program I work for within my job. I think this is less serious than a job interview especially since I’ll be answering questions from a kid and needing to tailor my responses in a way that a kid would be able to understand.

But still. I barely have any experience with being on camera, even though the teacher assured me that the camera wouldn’t be consistently focused on me nonstop while I am answering a question. My supervisor will be in the interview too, and that’s a relief because I don’t feel too confident answering some of the questions which I have a limited scope of knowledge on.

I have lingering guilt for dropping out from my Monday/Wednesday college course but perhaps it was for the better. I thought by doing that, I was giving myself permission to have a lighter class schedule and room to take a breather on some days. Though it seems life has other plans for me, with the revival of the substainability club and now this educational-based interview.

4 thoughts on “Life Stressors

  1. There’s also the schoolteacher mentioned to me that her student is special needs and intellectually delayed, so maybe the interview might be less intimidating because I’d be talking to someone who is child-like instead of an almost adult who might be judgey if my answers aren’t eloquent and polished. All her students are special needs and will be watching the interview once she has edited and put it all together for them. I definitely don’t think special means automatically means the person is not smart. She has taught her students about the very topic I will be interviewed on too. If anything, I could see myself using simpler language to answer the questions in a way so a child might be able to understand the concepts.

    It does feel better in situations to admit I’m nervous. It used to be that I would pretend like I wasn’t feeling the emotion and would hide it internally like a secret. But the more I hid it, the more it would show through and affect me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t see anything wrong with telling the student you’re not used to being interviewed and therefore a little nervous about it. You’ll be getting your nervousness right out in the open straight off, and perhaps putting the student a bit more at ease while you’re at it (they may be as scared as you are 🙂). You are right when you say “I wonder if it’s true when some people say that everyone is typically too wrapped up in their own issues.” Because we ALL are. Especially the more nervous ones. And once we really ‘get’ that, it helps us focus on putting the OTHER person at ease, if THEY are nervous too 💕 I’ve been sending you my positive vibes daily… you can do this 🙏💕

    Liked by 1 person

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