about me · Coping with anxiety · life changes · mental health · ramblings

Life Goes On

This half of the year has been hard. That is an understatement. I am sure the distribution of burden and suffering has been disproportionate. By my circumstances, I might even be considered privileged. I have housing, healthy food, a computer and wifi, and a quiet bedroom to study and sleep in. Most of all, I have been COVID-19 free throughout all this. For now or forever, I don’t unsure.

There are only a select few places I go to outdoors nowadays and mainly they’re the same old haunts and always with a mask on and never lingering too long among crowds. I have gotten used to wearing one, though it bothers me quite a bit that the sight of those blue disposable masks littering the streets is all too common now.

I feel less bleak about the future than I was a few months ago but I wouldn’t say everything is sunshine and rainbows from here on out. It’s also no coincidence that I stopped blogging because school and assignments took up much of my time. It still is, even as I am reaching the end of my fall semester next week.

I am not really in favor of going on winter vacation, which at this point in the pandemic would be the equivalent of mostly hibernating at home with audiobooks and going on outdoor walks while being off from remote classes. The likelihood that I won’t have a winter class to occupy my time might happen since the course I signed up for at another college apparently has no available seats. I don’t know why remote college classes still have seat limits when everything is being taught online now. Would it really hurt to have an extra student on the roster?? However, I will be crazy busy in the spring semester. Four classes and a remote internship. I am a little giddy about nabbing the internship which is a boring story that I’ll delve into some other time.

This was meant to be a short blog post, too, since there wasn’t one particular topic I wanted to focus on. Just life in general. It has been a long time coming but I also started a medical trial on Escitalopram (also known as Lexapro). I never knew until the effects of the medication slowly set in that I could ever feel any differently than I have since I was a young child with so much sensory overload and anxiety in response to environmental stimulation. It isn’t so much that I feel an absence of anxiety but that it went down a few notches to the point the emergency panic button of anxiety and fear and anger isn’t pushed when I am exposed to things that used to trigger that sort of reaction from me. And the perpetual lingering depression that hit me on and off these past few years and sucked the life out of my early 20’s, my gosh, it’s actually gone. Gone in the sense I have more mood stability and I am less prone to irritation and tempers. But I am still human and not immune to being in a bad mood from lack of sleep or stress from exams.

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