social anxiety

Truth Hurts

I haven’t got much time to write. Long story short is I have been in Barcelona for the last few days and am now at the airport to go to Nice for 3 days before I go home.

Let me start off by saying I am grateful, very grateful, for the opportunity to go on this trip. Especially since my aunts invited me and I essentially came for free as I wasn’t the one paying for my plane tickets and Airbnb spots.

This was my first time travelling so closely with both of them. I’ve never been alone with them to this extent. I am finding the experience to be too close for comfort in some ways. I didn’t think living in an Airbnb with them would be a problem, but the last one we were in only had one bed and a sofa bed. I hated that I had to share a bed with one of my aunts but of course I went with the flow because I didn’t feel like there was reason to make a fuss about it. Plus it was only for a few days.

What bothered me more than anything was I just had no privacy. Last year when I travelled with my parents to China, I at least had my own separate room to sleep in for both of the hotels we stayed in which allowed me a measure of privacy too if I just wanted to be completely alone and undisturbed.

In this Airbnb, I had none of them. And my anxiety over seeing my aunts almost 24/7 continued to build the longer I was around them and my inability to be by myself for even a minute in the shared space. What really hurt me is overhearing one of my aunts describe me in an unflattering way. And I get that she felt comfortable saying what she said because she thought I was still asleep.

Of course I was mad. And pissed off, because what right does she have to judge me when she doesn’t really know me or the things I’ve gone through? But I am not one to stir the pot, even when it’s stuff that really hurts me. All I know is her comment was probably meant as a casual passing remark but how she sees me doesn’t need to make me feel bad about myself.

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