anxiety · challenges · Coping with anxiety · insomnia · life · ramblings · Thoughts and feelings

Getting Past Worries

I am in a state of worry, but there is a comfort in being able to acknowledge it and not trying to fight the tension. Things come and go. I actually had a good day today. The weather was wonderful enough that I wore shorts when I went outside. Just as that bit of happiness was fleeting and came to an end, the beginning of fear doesn’t mean forever although it can certainly feel like it will be.

I am reasonably nervous. But not overwhelmed. I did some things right tonight. I journaled earlier this evening; wrote about two pages of whatever was on my mind. Then I ran through a repetition of positive affirmations on the InnerHour app. Two of the ones that mean the most to me now: “I accept things the way they are” and “I can let go of my thoughts”. After that I did some light reading (an actual book, not my phone) before turning in for the night. A half hour later of sleeplessness and here I am with my phone screen dimmed down as I am typing out this.

I was really hoping to be asleep by now as I have an early morning tomorrow. My alarm is set to go off at 6:15 AM. I haven’t woken up that early in ages. It will be Friday, my first day in school. I am grateful I already prepared my lunch in advance and threw in everything I needed into my bag. Four pens, a notepad, my umbrella (in case it rains), two 2×2 passport-sized photos, and $25 for the school textbook fee. I even laid out the clothes I will be wearing. Casual attire, thankfully.

I don’t know what my struggle is meant to teach me. That I can do what I can beforehand to prepare for a big anxious event and still have it not be enough to calm me down completely? That being scared is okay and I will get through it?

There is what I worry about and what I think will happen, both things that balloon into terrifying shadows in my mind. But the things that actually happen are never as horrible, even when the proposed situation I am thinking of occurs.

I don’t know how many times I must go through this to stop being afraid. I’ve been afraid all my life. Right now this moment feels enormous when really it’s just another blip in my life. Before I know it, the day will progress and be over again. Someday in the future when I am in a different place in life. I’ll probably look back on this blog post and remember how hard it seemed.

5 thoughts on “Getting Past Worries

  1. Hope your first day went well! I get you on being afraid…you just don’t know what will really happen. As someone who likes to be organised and prepared, I have to remind myself sometimes things don’t go to plan…and as you said at the end, the future is different.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My first day went okay. I think I was extra afraid since it was a new environment and it’ll take some time for me to get used to it all. I will be there for 8 weeks. It’s possible by the time I get used to it, it will be over lol.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t wait for the future, sit down tonight and in a different pen, write exactly what happened and compare both texts…were your thoughts and beliefs unfounded? The mind likes to play tricks, deceive us and convince us there will be a catastrophe! How was the experience, how did you feel? Did you survive to tell the tale? If you did, then you won! Waiting to hear… xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a great idea. I will write down my thoughts on Sunday night and write again after class on Monday to see the differences. I did survive the first day. It was less bad than I expected (as usual, haha 😳).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad you think so Nat. I’d love to hear what you discover about your thoughts & the actual event. I’m so glad you survived your first day!
        Predictive thinking and catatrophising are always a bad combiation and the reality is never as bad!! 😉


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