Distracted

My thoughts are everywhere and nowhere today. It’s like thinking so much at once and at the same time there is a lethargic nature to it, where thoughts form and dissipate before  I can make up my mind about whether I want to continue building a sentence from the shaped idea. Even how I am putting this into words to understand how my own brain was processing the thoughts probably makes no lick of sense to those who are reading this now. How can things on a mental level feel like such a mess but I still am able to give the appearance of functioning normally? I guess I underestimate the power of my human body.

Yesterday morning I mailed out a package which I intended to drop off at a postal collection box. Or so I thought. I didn’t realize until I was standing right trying to fit the package into the collection box flap that it was obviously not going to fit. So off to the post office I went, though I waited until they opened two hours later. I took the long walk there and after going in, I saw the flaps for inserting small packages. Alarm bells went off in my mind. My package was not going to fit in there! I don’t know if it was the panic that didn’t allow me to think clearly or if I was still half-asleep from waking up early, but I sat on a rest bench for a good 5 minutes watching the steady stream of customers being serviced at the counter before I saw a huge clunky machine at the side. That was the other place to drop packages in if their weight and size exceeded a certain amount. How did I not see that right away?? I winced pulling down the slot to insert my package into. It made a horribly loud creaky noise. 2 seconds of embarrassment well-spent. Yay me.

On the same day, my head was in the clouds so much that as I was walking, I failed to notice my fitness tracker watch began vibrating twice. Not only did I not notice, I didn’t feel it either. I’m kind of amazed how my mind managed to ignore that for me. And to think, the very first time I wore the fitness tracker, I flinched from near fright at the sudden burst of motion from my wrist because I hadn’t known it was a feature on the watch for it to vibrate every time I hit the 10,000th step while walking.

Later that evening, my brother unexpectedly came home with a male cousin who would be staying overnight. I was surprised mainly because I knew he had plans to bring him over on Saturday, not Friday. Still, the moment came along with the customary anxiety spike I know so well. In line with every other event I have discussed so far in this post, my mind was addled and slow for one reason or another. The guy shook my hand and told me his name. My body felt on edge, like a cat whose hair becomes raised due to stress or fear. Stupidly, I could only manage to say hello back to him. Honestly, it was like all my energy and mind power at the time was focused on replying with something after the guy introduced himself to me that I didn’t think, Oh, now would be a good time to tell him my name too. Not until my brother prompted me with, “Wanna give him your name?” Cringe. How could I be so anxious about a verbal interaction with someone that literally lasted less than 2 minutes? I’m sure I did not make much of an impression either and the guy already forgot my name after meeting me for such a brief period.

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Featured Image by Twinkling Lights.