anxiety · distracted · feelings · life · random · Thoughts and feelings


My thoughts are everywhere and nowhere today. It’s like thinking so much at once and at the same time there is a lethargic nature to it, where thoughts form and dissipate before  I can make up my mind about whether I want to continue building a sentence from the shaped idea. Even how I am putting this into words to understand how my own brain was processing the thoughts probably makes no lick of sense to those who are reading this now. How can things on a mental level feel like such a mess but I still am able to give the appearance of functioning normally? I guess I underestimate the power of my human body.

Yesterday morning I mailed out a package which I intended to drop off at a postal collection box. Or so I thought. I didn’t realize until I was standing right trying to fit the package into the collection box flap that it was obviously not going to fit. So off to the post office I went, though I waited until they opened two hours later. I took the long walk there and after going in, I saw the flaps for inserting small packages. Alarm bells went off in my mind. My package was not going to fit in there! I don’t know if it was the panic that didn’t allow me to think clearly or if I was still half-asleep from waking up early, but I sat on a rest bench for a good 5 minutes watching the steady stream of customers being serviced at the counter before I saw a huge clunky machine at the side. That was the other place to drop packages in if their weight and size exceeded a certain amount. How did I not see that right away?? I winced pulling down the slot to insert my package into. It made a horribly loud creaky noise. 2 seconds of embarrassment well-spent. Yay me.

On the same day, my head was in the clouds so much that as I was walking, I failed to notice my fitness tracker watch began vibrating twice. Not only did I not notice, I didn’t feel it either. I’m kind of amazed how my mind managed to ignore that for me. And to think, the very first time I wore the fitness tracker, I flinched from near fright at the sudden burst of motion from my wrist because I hadn’t known it was a feature on the watch for it to vibrate every time I hit the 10,000th step while walking.

Later that evening, my brother unexpectedly came home with a male cousin who would be staying overnight. I was surprised mainly because I knew he had plans to bring him over on Saturday, not Friday. Still, the moment came along with the customary anxiety spike I know so well. In line with every other event I have discussed so far in this post, my mind was addled and slow for one reason or another. The guy shook my hand and told me his name. My body felt on edge, like a cat whose hair becomes raised due to stress or fear. Stupidly, I could only manage to say hello back to him. Honestly, it was like all my energy and mind power at the time was focused on replying with something after the guy introduced himself to me that I didn’t think, Oh, now would be a good time to tell him my name too. Not until my brother prompted me with, “Wanna give him your name?” Cringe. How could I be so anxious about a verbal interaction with someone that literally lasted less than 2 minutes? I’m sure I did not make much of an impression either and the guy already forgot my name after meeting me for such a brief period.

Featured Image by Twinkling Lights.

8 thoughts on “Distracted

  1. I sometimes get overwhelmed by things not going the way I expected that I also freeze up and don’t notice an easy alternative to what I expected xD
    I feel quite lethargic, too. I think it’s the weather honestly. Something about cloudy, somewhat rainy days makes me feel so lazy, down, muddled, and sleepy… I hate it. I’d rather it were thunder storming really really hard…
    I hope the rest of your cousin’s stay isn’t too bad!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hate when things don’t go my way. Life is unexpected, so should I be expecting the unexpected instead?

      Thunderstorming has a calming quality for me even though it’s doing the exact opposite lol. When it’s cloudy and stuck between rain and no rain, I feel dragged down by the atmosphere.

      Lol, my cousin only stayed that one night. I had plans early the next morning so he wasn’t even awake by the time I left home. Then he was going to returm after a whole day of sightseeing with my brother but the weekend subway lines were messed up and since it was late, they decided it would be easier to go back to my brother’s home in Queens.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. They say you need to expect everything so nothing unexpected ever happens and you’re prepared for everything but that seems a very stressful way to live xD
        Exactly! Tstorm is like this nice furious release but anything less than that is… just… heavy atmosphere. Ah icic, that’s nice how things kind of worked out then! I guess it’s a reminder that sometimes unexpected stuff is good 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That doesn’t sound like a healthy outlook on everyday life, lol. So going by that mentality, I should expect everything, including possibly being hit by a car, having a roof collapse on me while I’m walking under a building, and falling into a pothole? XD

        The other day, a tstorm did happen in the middle of the afternoon. I found it riveting to watch the gusts get more powerful as the sky gradually darkened before the first patters of rain came down. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I know right?! Haha it seems like an intense, stressful way to live. Ooh that sounds nice. I must have missed it… or it missed me. I think the tstorm moved on over here to my house in the middle of the night when I was sleeping. I think that keeps happening =_= and I sleep through it all the time hahaha


  2. Interesting that you say two minute interactions are giving you anxiety. That used to happen to me a lot. I’d fixate on the simplest things. It goes hand in hand with that distracted feeling. Your mind can’t focus on anything so it picks the most insignificant moment and suddenly all of your energy is directed to it. It’s a sucky feeling. Only ‘cure’ I’ve found for it is to literally to find someone else to talk to. Or some other information to take in. By the time you’ve had ten conversations, or read ten articles, that interaction will be the last thing on your mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. By finding someone else to talk to, you mean directly after the interaction? The way I’ve dealt with it is to move on by either focusing my attention on something else, like after the post office thing I left right away and started mapping another location on my phone for where I wanted to go. Or after the awkward introduction, I was talking to my mom about nail polish lol. I guess it does help to “move on” like that and the interaction I just had becomes more distant but then I still come back to the memory in my idle time to think about how cringey it was…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, directly after or soon after. I think sometimes dwelling on it later is much easier than right after it happens because then you’re truly consolidating it into your memory. I sometimes revisit things, but I’ve found that it’s easier to dismiss it when I haven’t given myself a chance to build it up in my head.

        Liked by 1 person

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