Awakening from sleep is the oddest sensation ever. At first, it’s like I’m unable to fully take in what is happening and only through slowly regaining awareness of my surroundings, I realize I am waking up. I sleep with my covers over me, so many times I’ve woken up thinking it’s still dark out until I pull back my blankets.
If I was having a particularly vivid dream, I’ll feel frustrated because, in the first few seconds of wakefulness, I start to forget what the dream was about. Like a lingering ghost of an emotion, I am only able to cling to the last feeling I remember having in the dream before I woke. Fear? Apprehension? Happiness? Elation? Sadness? For nightmares, I can nearly taste the relief on my tongue when I wake up and exhale a breath in relief that the horror I saw in my dream was not real after all.
My room curtains don’t completely black out sunlight, though it dims it a little. The sudden brightness may be uncomfortable for my eyes to adjust to. It might have to do with whether I slept well or not, but I find even for nights I was well-rested, it might be my overall mood that can play a part in what emotions or feelings are triggered in me.
Some mornings I welcome the sight of the outside light glare and am eager to pop out of bed. Other times I am awake but lie in bed staring at the ceiling for a few minutes as I think about things. I like listening in to hear what might be going on in other parts of the house or outside my window. Sometimes I contemplate physically getting up but I feel like I don’t have it to me to actually do it. Is that a strange thought to have? Those are the days I am not sure if I am in a state of actual depression or just letting the melancholic side of myself have reign over me, but either way, I do get up although it feels hard and I still occasionally struggle with the brief thought of, What is the point of pulling myself out of bed, anyway? It’s a dangerous thought to have, to feel so helpless and wasted and teeter on believing everything in my life means absolutely nothing. Or that I’ve lived a life of mostly bad deeds than good ones. However, the brighter side is these brief thoughts do quiet down a little after I get up and start doing stuff, like washing my face and brushing my teeth, that I do feel better and more stable. My mind seems to right itself in those moments and while I still feel crappy about certain aspects of my life, more than once I’m surprised that an action as simple as getting myself up and moving helps me.
Prompt 57 from Think Written: Write about waking up.
Featured Image by David Mao.