about me · depression · life · making choices · melancholy · mental health · mornings · sleep habits · Waking up · Writing prompt

Waking Up

Awakening from sleep is the oddest sensation ever. At first, it’s like I’m unable to fully take in what is happening and only through slowly regaining awareness of my surroundings, I realize I am waking up. I sleep with my covers over me, so many times I’ve woken up thinking it’s still dark out until I pull back my blankets.

If I was having a particularly vivid dream, I’ll feel frustrated because, in the first few seconds of wakefulness, I start to forget what the dream was about. Like a lingering ghost of an emotion, I am only able to cling to the last feeling I remember having in the dream before I woke. Fear? Apprehension? Happiness? Elation? Sadness? For nightmares, I can nearly taste the relief on my tongue when I wake up and exhale a breath in relief that the horror I saw in my dream was not real after all.

My room curtains don’t completely black out sunlight, though it dims it a little. The sudden brightness may be uncomfortable for my eyes to adjust to. It might have to do with whether I slept well or not, but I find even for nights I was well-rested, it might be my overall mood that can play a part in what emotions or feelings are triggered in me.

Some mornings I welcome the sight of the outside light glare and am eager to pop out of bed. Other times I am awake but lie in bed staring at the ceiling for a few minutes as I think about things. I like listening in to hear what might be going on in other parts of the house or outside my window. Sometimes I contemplate physically getting up but I feel like I don’t have it to me to actually do it. Is that a strange thought to have? Those are the days I am not sure if I am in a state of actual depression or just letting the melancholic side of myself have reign over me, but either way, I do get up although it feels hard and I still occasionally struggle with the brief thought of, What is the point of pulling myself out of bed, anyway? It’s a dangerous thought to have, to feel so helpless and wasted and teeter on believing everything in my life means absolutely nothing. Or that I’ve lived a life of mostly bad deeds than good ones. However, the brighter side is these brief thoughts do quiet down a little after I get up and start doing stuff, like washing my face and brushing my teeth, that I do feel better and more stable. My mind seems to right itself in those moments and while I still feel crappy about certain aspects of my life, more than once I’m surprised that an action as simple as getting myself up and moving helps me.

Prompt 57 from Think Written: Write about waking up.

Featured Image by David Mao.

5 thoughts on “Waking Up

  1. When I have to wake up early… I’m definitely a Debbie Downer like, “What is the point of getting up every day like this?” It’s so miserable… I am really not an early morning person. Otherwise, I usually wake up fine unless there’s something I’m dreading that day.
    I totally feel ya on the being jolted away from a dream you were into or enjoying… I don’t like that–it’s like a world slipping away from me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The feeling of misery even before getting up is a horrible one. At my worst in the past, I’ve just stayed in bed awake for an hour or more because I was convinced my day had no meaning whatsoever. I’m glad to say I don’t have such prolonged difficulty anymore, but it can still be hard when I have those recurring thoughts of “what is the point?” before I push myself to get up.

      I agree, early mornings are not my thing either. I only wake up early if I slept early and am feeling energetic. I can relate too to waking up in a not so good mood if there’s something I have to deal with in the day that I really don’t wanna bother with.

      The saddest I’ve felt waking from a dream was realizing the dream wasn’t reality, lol. I hate the feeling of not remembering good dreams. The odd thing is I guess my mind remembers them because sometimes I dream about the same thing again and I know it’s something I saw before.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad it’s gotten a bit better! I hate that feeling of not knowing what’s the point of getting up. And especially waking up from a good dream! At least it leaves you with a warm and fuzzy feeling for a bit longer, right? Dreams are so fascinating how they affect you…

        Liked by 1 person

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