anxiety · blogging · fears · life · making choices · taking chances · Writing prompt

Behind the Closed Door

A closed door doesn’t have to be a scary thing, but to me, it is because I don’t know what will be there when I open it. People say that when one door closes in your life, another one will open. When I get a new opportunity or chance, I still don’t want to open that door, even if what I feel is a combination of excitement and anxiety. The excitement could outweigh the anxiety, but I’m a pessimist in that if I feel the teeniest bit of fear, that’s what I tend to focus on. I suppose it depends on how I look at a given situation. The presence of fear does quite a number on me because of how I perceive the emotion. I feel weak and useless when my fear comes alive in me. I actually start to believe that fear is something that I am meant to be afraid of and never get over.

The door is closed and I’m standing in front of it, just staring and staring at it, unable to get any closer to it but also unable to simply walk away from it. I ask myself the question time and time again, Why is this so hard? I know no one can open the door for me and only I can do it. All it takes is making that decision to risk it. Open the door and I could get something good. Or open the door and I could get something bad. Life is funny in that way. It’s like a coin toss but I’ll never know unless I move forward with the choice. If I leave now, I could be walking away from an experience or lesson that I could have learned had I turned the knob and pulled the door wide open. If I go now, I’ll spend my days hereafter wondering and thinking about what could have been. Not opening the door makes me feel regretful I didn’t take the risk and all the more conflicted about what to do the next time another closed door appears before me.


Prompt 27 from Think Written: Write about waking up.

Featured Image by Mārtiņš Zemlickis.

2 thoughts on “Behind the Closed Door

  1. I am often stuck between being scared of what’s on the other side of the door and being scared to stay where I am and by the time I make up my mind it is sometimes too late. That or I make an impulse decision that ends badly which makes it even harder to make a decision the next time.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ugh, same! 😦 I typically can’t make up my mind either. I want to not open that door but I also want to open it. And I’m stuck in inaction until I think the opportunity has expired and then I feel super lame about pushing myself to “just do it” when I’m so late as it is.

      Like

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