I have always been super self-conscious about my own voice. The worst is how self-conscious I feel when I talk to someone in the presence of other people or knowing that other people around me are listening as I talk. Result? My voice usually comes out lower than I had hoped for due to the fact I am already nervous about how I look or how I sound, and the more I attempt to raise my voice, the more futile my efforts are.
I just don’t know what is wrong with me. Could it be that because I’ve lived from up to my pre teen years till recently always speaking lowly that I messed up my vocal range capability? Or maybe I don’t know how to raise my voice in general. I know that I definitely do lower my speaking voice when I feel anxious or awkward as a coping mechanism for both wanting to be heard but also not wanting to be heard. I do it even when that is the exact opposite of what I want to project through my voice.
Today at work I got criticized by my coworker again for not speaking loudly enough. I was made to make a few outbound calls to some insurance companies to get confirmation emails for some policy change requests. If you have no idea what I am talking about here, don’t worry about it. I can barely grasp the workings of my own job too. Anyway, the co-worker wanted me to speak loudly so she and her other co-worker would be able to hear what I’m saying so if I ran into problems during the call, they could assist me. I tried, I did. I admit my panic over making the calls caused me to speak low and fast, which I usually do when I am so nervous that I just want to get it done with ASAP. I knew it was bad when even the representative on the phone stopped me and said I was going too fast and that she could barely hear me. This only happened once though. All the other times I was able to get my point across to whoever I was speaking to on the phone. After that, I had to wait for the confirmation emails to come in before printing them out.
Later both my coworkers were pleased I got everything done, but again, one of them reminded me to speak louder. The other seemed to have a closer inclination about my behavior and noted that I seemed shy. I did not deny or refute her claim. Then the first coworker stated that there was no room for being shy in this business. The other said that I might get used to the job in time. Will I, when I apparently suck at using my voice?