My nerves have gone to hell in the night before my first day of work. Wtf. WTF. Am I actually doing this? My brain is going haywire. I am terrified! I slept poorly yesterday (4 hours) so I need the sleep tonight to at least be energized for work. The question is, will I be able to sleep? Will my troubles keep me awake and tossing and turning?
During this whole job process, including going through the motions of getting in touch with the hiring manager, showing up for an appointment, and then actually getting hired, I couldn’t help but try to imagine what would happen once I was in those situations. None of what I thought up is how things went. I’m praying and hoping I am wrong as well about how badly or how fucked up my first day on the job will go, despite how hard my mind is working right now to convince me it will go wrong and I’ll never be able to show my face there again. My heart is pounding hard even now in the quiet of my own room and the stillness of the outside streets. It is almost 10 o’clock in the evening.