I did not adore warm, sunny days when I was a child and instead had a “meh” attitude when it came to the weather as the seasons changed over the course of a year. Two constants in my life then were sleep and school. Those days seemed to pass too fast for me to sit and contemplate things I usually didn’t have the time to think about, but now I have all the time in the world.
For most of my life, I have lived in fear of warm, spring days. Those kinds of days filled me with dread, and I often waited with anticipated fear for one of my parents to inevitably ask me if I wanted to go out somewhere. I struggled a lot at different points in the last three years with being interested in the outside world enough to go out and explore it. I’m tempted to go into greater details about why I chose to be a recluse. Of course one of these reasons is intense social anxiety, but the other reasons relate to both my own choice to isolate myself as well as being isolated because of special circumstances in my home. Guess that’s another topic go save for a future post.
I appreciate the spring weather more than I used to. The temperature has been fluctuating between 45-60 ish for the past month. Today was the first time it was hot outside during the afternoon and it was warm enough to take off my jacket. The leafy greens growing in on the trees and the opening flower buds were a welcome sight for me. I felt grateful for them because looking at them made me happy and for a moment I forgot about my constant anxiety.