Anyone who has been reading my blog regularly might’ve been wondering where I’ve been because I haven’t written anything in the last two weeks. I guess I needed a break, and because I’ve been hanging out with Annelise more and doing more activities, such as attending a weekly meditation class.
I started therapy. Today was my third session. I booked an interview for a cashier position for today and Annelise even helped me practice my answers yesterday. Unfortunately things didn’t go as planned today because some serious train delays prevented me from getting to the interview on time. My god, it was terrifying to contemplate calling the interviewer and letting her know I wouldn’t be able to make it, especially knowing me and my intense phone phobia. But I did it, and she wasn’t mad. She agreed to call me again in the next day or two to set up another interview. Later, I was late to therapy and again I found myself terrified of having to call and notify people about my tardiness. I was especially uncomfortable because of background noise in the subway and I worried the receptionist on the phone wouldn’t be able to hear me. But I got my message across. I’m really starting to believe that the more I do something, the more comfortable I will become with it.
A very valuable thing I’ve learned in therapy about myself is that I tend to expect the worst in any given situation that involves interacting with people, whether I have had bad experiences in those situations before or not. This has been the ultimate killer of dreams for me because I’ve become so set in my ways about deciding what people think of me or how things will go in a situation when I haven’t even given myself the chance to interact with people or be in the situation.