anxiety · self introduction · social anxiety

A very late introduction 

I should have done this in my very first blog entry, but funnily enough, I didn’t think to do it then. Often when I write, my flow process is all over the place and I usually just write about whatever is currently on my mind at the moment. This causes me to explain events or happenings in my life out of order. So here’s my brief self-introduction now.

My name is Nat. This is a shortened nickname for my real name. I am 26 years old, but I’m (unfortunately) set to turn 27 in November when my birthday rolls around later this year. I have lived in Brooklyn, New York for all of my life. I come from an Asian background, specifically Chinese descent, which isn’t at all uncommon around here.

How can I describe my personality? It’s hard to use positive adjectives on myself. I consider myself very self-analytical. I’m artistic. I’ve had many art interests throughout my life. The earliest I can recall is being a child and threading beads together on strings to make necklace and bracelet chains. I collected stickers and stamps. I was into drawing anime in my teen years and enjoyed ceramics classes in both junior high and high school. When I would write letters to penpals, I decorated the margins with doodles and stickers. Nowadays I embroider as a hobby. My main focus now is cross stitching.

I’ve been told by friends that I’m a good writer. I’m still doubtful of my abilities, but I guess I have to believe it’s true if I’ve gotten this same opinion so many times. I believe I’m good at writing only for writing letters or exchanging and summarizing information in text format. I could never write an actual book and create three- dimensional characters. I am also a writing and editing contributor on the Once Upon a Time wiki.

I guess I’m sort of a geek. I geek out about different things. Game of Thrones (both the show and books), podcasts, Netflix shows, games (Pokemon Go, anyone?). I like fantasy and horror genres.

I try to be an open minded person, too. I will never be the type to not be friends with someone just because I’m unfamiliar with the person’s religion or cultural upbringing.

What else? Oh yeah, I have social anxiety. If you’ve been reading my blog up till now, then you already know what this is about. I have social anxiety and am trying to navigate this complicated world so I can overcome it. Or try to. Like any challenge of life, social anxiety can take me so high or so low. I’ll have some successes with it that make me feel like I can go out in the world and do just about anything, and then have some losses that are so cutting to my confidence and happiness that I want to crawl into a hole and never come out again. I don’t know if there’s a right or wrong way to move forward with social anxiety, but this blog is about my experiences with it. I know I have a lot of unresolved issues within me.

Right now, I am trying to see if I can get accepted into cognitive therapy. I am also currently part of a New York City based social anxiety meet up group. I joined in May of this year. Recently I also began hosting a coloring book event within the group. Tomorrow will be my fourth time hosting the event. Because I’m introverted and am still shy about talking to people, I made it a point to write on the event page that there’s no pressure for anyone to be very talkative during the event, as I know how hard it can be to be chatty when there is social anxiety involved. I find this helps people not feel pressured to talk if they don’t want to, and I will never judge anyone for coming to the event to color and not really say anything.

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4 thoughts on “A very late introduction 

  1. I like yourself use to have severe social anxiety, I grew out of it in my adult years. I still have society anxiety but I’m able to fake my way out of it. I’m what you can an introvert. I’m enjoying your posts and can’t wait to hear of your personal journey 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Faking it with social anxiety is the hardest thing to do. I always feel like a fraud when I do because I want to feel normal, but I never do. Maybe I’m wishing for the impossible because I realize even “normal” people who don’t have social anxiety do get anxiety, except they don’t freak out and overthink the situation like some social anxiety sufferers (like me) do.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know it’s hard. Believe me, I did it this past weekend, being a “social butterfly” nearly caved me in. But I had to because I’ll be viewed as not having any manners. Eventually, I learned to let go because I realize I have no control over others. So yes, it was painful putting myself out here, but it was the only way to “get along.”

        Liked by 1 person

      2. For me, I attend social events within a social anxiety meetup group. I don’t know if that was the social situation you were in, but I definitely still feel pressure to be very ongoing and talkative even in a meet up with other social anxiety sufferers. I feel this because some of the people in the group seem to deal with their anxiety better than I do, or they’re good at faking confidence? In this sense, I feel like if I went to a meetup event and was very quiet, people would be understanding about why I’m not taking, but I myself would still beat myself up for being so introverted. I’m still at the point where it’s hard for me to ask people questions if I’m curious about where they’re from or whatever.

        Liked by 1 person

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